033am-11.20.11 undone

undone

i can see the gaps in myself.

its like understanding the

spaces between the letters and

the voids in the restricted frames of images

i am fractured, volatile, searching

11.20.11  0445am

0330am project:panic 8.28.11

hotcoldwetwarm.

tossing blankets.

writhing madly

like a fish. gills

franticallysearch

forwatertobreathe.

donotpanicplease.

JANEisnotplain 8.28.11 0348am

d.p.

d.p.

he took the glass dropper into his mouth and

squeezed out its mitigating contents onto his

tongue. it tasted bitter like an orange peel and,

he did not remember his purpose. so soon you

will forget, a voice tells him. forgive the way

some things were, he whispered. celebrate

things the way they [  ].

0346 am 8.5.11
in loving memory

i want

0330am : i want

i want to be missed, without being known.// i want someone who will take my mind and/intertwine it with theirs;/ who will stare into my eyes/ until we reach infinite moments.//

i want [finger]painting at 4am/ and nostalgic butterflies coated in musk.// i want meaningful love making /in the midst of the crowd..// i want my breath to be devoured.//

i want to taste the trees/ the bark.// i want someone to listen and/ someone to show me/what is not visible.// i want to explore [  ]/ them.// us.// show me [  ]  am real/ and exist.//

i want to be released.//  i want my mind to be let free.// i want to feel everything.// fingers on [ ] spine.// i want bites on my neck.// i want warmth and care.// i want beautiful minds.

JANEisnotplain 2.5.11

for the want ad project

thankful

thankful:

for hot baths and the /hot water heaters that / reach boiling points and/ soak into my skin in a /most painfully pleasant /way. // for pencils and erasers/ but more so for pens and / the fact that ink does not  /erase so it forces me to / accept what i write even /if it’s honest, raw or ugly.// for acceptance from and / for the people in my life/ who take me exactly as/ i am and swallow me /whole.//  for sleep and for the / [ ] that help[s] me sleep/the coffee that wakes me/up on nights i cannot sleep.// for changes in me and others in the world for/ new opportunities and the/ never ending row of doors waiting/ to be opened by me.//

JANEisnotplain 0330 am 1.28.11

lucid dreaming

at 0330am i am perfectly

lucid in a squatted patch

of space among filtered

subliminal contusions.

i am entering a theor[y]

-etical mind over matter

in a grammatic pause or

a cause to speak or to be

spoken .

0335am awake i am

slipping through the

grip of reality. i am

sinking, swimming,

in this deflated water

with these wings .

i am high above the

unjust irrationality of

just sticking to the [ ]

rules. i am coming .

unglued stealing love

lies from an honest

pair of eyes just to

survive what i am

alone becoming.

unhinged at 0341[ ] am

a broken door through

which [ ] go in and out,

swinging back and forth

between (k)nightmares

and seizures of grandeur

i am a tangible sonnet

beautiful. different. new

secretly shifting through

running sentences and

manic metaphors i am a

volatile creature wringing

hands clutching fire.

0350am whispers heavy

silence is the only answer.

JANEisnotplain 1.22.11  0358am
from the dream book series

unlocking JANE

unlocking Jane

lately the words in my head

have been very loud. banging

sometimes without any rhythm.

sometimes to my pulse, my

lust. but i am all in my [head].

my words are constantly chattering.

often they awaken me to my Self

having a heated conversation with

Self answering my own questions

about colors, conundrums, and the

uselessness of  sentence structure.

individually they are each only

words. tiny, miniscule capsules

of expressions that i re-use, re-

think, re-cycle, re-call, re-order,

into thoughts, breaths, and ideas.

compressed into columns  and

constructs on notion bound pages.

they want to build new stories,

these words. they come at me.

all with hidden agendas, thoughts,

wants,and needs. they are tortured,

enunciated, played out, stacked up

but still trying most desperately to

conjugate a new sentence or to

complete a smile.

i use words. not legs to seduce.  hard

bound shapely words like [anticipation].

to expose doors and open windows wide

to confess that this is what i want is my

words to make you feel my thoughts my

touch. i am more than black ink on white

paper.

i carry my words close as if i may

need them any moment, day ,hour,

minute, second, if we all fall down.

and i draw the delusional curtains and

sing private lullabies under the guise of

infinite and the definition of  struggle.

i hope no one notices that. i am these

words. raw. chaotic. complex. kinetic.

superfluous. scribbled. even beautiful.

sometimes running on from  sentences

and metaphors. slight in frame. distorted

in look they pour out undefined. unlabled.


JANEisnotplain 5.15.10

pieced together from a series of sleepless nights