exquitiste chaos

exquisite chaos

i woke up with my hand on a thousand nerve endings.

neurons that respond to light stimuli flickering and firing

bits of neural code mapping the steady rise of visceral blood

pounding the raw limits of imagination for pleasure only.

how did this happen? and by what means?

JANEisnotplain 12/30/09

0345am project

0330 am: out of control

 0330 am: out of control

[   ] want so much and [  ] are just doing [   ] best

and [   ] see things there that no one else does and

[   ] keep tripping and banging into walls of worth-

less conversation but [   ] keep going because [   ]

know its worth it and people say that the journey

matters but of course the destination does too or

what is the point if [   ] are too real for anyone to

comprehend and too passionate to the point of

self indulgent excess and all of life is focused on

a single point that is out of control.

[   ] really just want to kiss [    ].

JANEisnotplain 10.30.09  0349am

0330 am : alone

0330 am : alone


this is what it is like to be alone.
squinting fingers hang on new edges
emptiness glances up at me like old times
nothings whisper over fallen shoulders
i feel liberated and possible.

JANEisnotplain 10.27.09 0342am

0330am project: sun downing

0330am project: sun downing

0334am: i am
re-booting
up & typing
white glares
screen washes
my face in
electric luminance
one more hour
until work comes
early sometimes
sleep not
at all
i save
and quit
shut-down
back to
bed: 0414am


JANEisnotplain 9.09

free fall

free fall

you forgot the pedals on your bike
i broke the tassles off my handlebars
we’re still breathing hard, moving faster
and faster and faster and and faster and
i’m letting go of these mindfucking theories
this logical state of this and that and
there and then a quietness fills my throat


and suddenly
abrupt walls are built
fear of heights
i jump



JANEisnotplain 8.1.09 0347am

0330am project: disoriented

0330am: disoriented

its all here!

oh shit my

mind is alive

you know the

beautiful going

insane alive with

sparks and flame

and happiness

in letters hanging

from eyes in -

love / sanity

a rare lapse

of falling

off the edge

wake

JANEisnotplain 7.09

0339am disoriented

revelation at 0400am

revelation

4am or one hour before the
beginning of the end of time
and i feel a sad dream falling
slowly through dimly lit trees like
petals of white papers with black
words touching innocent sheets
on the line in the shadows between
truth and deception, good and bad
melting into an aged rain that
bathes the grass at dawn with
the spit of shallow weeds and
medicated repetition as the
so[u]l[e]s of my shoes become the
legs of my jeans and the day/i
surface[s] gasping for air and light

5am another inch of time creeps out
of fragments of broken monuments to
step forward into fragile enlightenment
trembling under fresh green skies
orange horizons fall eternally backward
into silver ribbons of sun awake

6am sweep the patio clean,
lie to the earth, swallow the spaces
stop chasing citrus thoughts with
bittersweet aftertastes and just
gather up all the blue lemons,
add happiness, stir, and
make some lemonade.

copyright JANEisnotplain 7.09

---from the 0330am series

abstract

abstract

hotel room. i am lying. on the bed.
my brain. connections sparking in
my eyes. a black berry stain. on a
white dress. altered. a butterfly in-
side a glass bottle. transparent.con-
tain[t]ed. chaos is beautiful.like the
strings on a cello.floating face down.
black cat. green skeletons. blue air.
fog. rain. sunshine.twice. the sunshine.


JANEisnotplain 0325am 5.8.09

de-fragmented

de-fragmented


the keyboard is unfeeling and
the words are darwinian evolutions
perhaps even freudian re-volutions

there is only the exit and the clock
the monitor no longer sees or saves

self

i am
this file
is un-solvable
or should that be salvageable?

up-grades, up-dates, down-loads
automate, populate, disseminate

my mind ticks and clicks
while it waits for its reboot


JANEisnotplain 4.09

insomniac writings at 0323am

self portrait: 35th birthday

self portrait: 35th birthday

i have
ended/begun
thirty five times

JANEisnotplain 3.19.09
part of the 0330 am project